Real Talk....Love Walk

     Another transparent moment...I don't mind (too terribly) because there is not enough transparency these days. Everyone wants to look like they got it all together. Keep throwing you scripture after scripture. Paint you a picture of "perfect" that is far from it. As I sometimes tell my daughters..." Girl, BYE". (SMILE)  I look at all of us as a huge puzzle and we are each a piece. We need each other to make a whole. Let's get real and reach back and help someone that might have the same issue...Anyway...
     Not too long ago, someone said to me "God said you have a lot of love inside of you...why is it not coming out?" I looked at him and said "Huh? What?" LOL. I didn't get it but it nagged me and opened up a can of worms.  I mean, I began to do a checklist: Am I treating someone wrongly? Am I holding a grudge? Am I walking in unforgiveness? I know we all have issues but that question perplexed me. It challenged me so I did exactly what the Lord wanted me to do. I began to seek Him. A few days later as I sat pondering on it again, it was almost like a "video" that flashed through my mind. I saw myself when I first gave my life to Christ and years after. The JOY I walked in..even when the "zeal" was over, how happy I still was! I was so full of Love that I could hug someone to death and love them right back to life again! LOL! I saw how the Lord would use me to touch lives. I am naturally an introvert so we would go back and forth when I felt led to do something or say something but..in the end.. I did what He was leading me to do cause I wanted to please Him. I remember even being an usher in the church I attended at the time and for the longest, I absolutely LOVED IT. I loved to greet people, smile, hug, laugh, help with babies, show them their seats with a smile. I was SUPER USHER and did it all in the Love of the Lord. In the beginning, it was not just a "job" to me. I sat there in total recall...smiling.
      Then, the "video" began to change. I saw church hurt, rejection on top of rejection, lies and even up until recently, betrayed confidences.  I was like WHOA. It was heavy ya'll. I have not told you all that I saw but I realized that with that one comment from someone that drove me to specifics with God, I literally opened up a can of worms that I had to DEAL with. (What is it that you need to deal with in your life? Someone you hate? unforgiveness? Selfishness? Pride? A bad habit? UNBELIEF? DOUBT? ) As I sat there, I did realize that it was a set up. The Lord has been bringing me to this point for a while now and it was time to come to the carpet.  If we want to be whole and move on and up, we have to deal with that in which He brings to our attention. See, God has delivered me from the pain and I have forgiven for those things that happened back in my past...BUT, I HAD CHANGED. There was left over residue. I saw myself now compared to back then. (Yes. we all change & grow and don't stay the same. Not talking about that..stay with me.)  As a result of all that I had gone through I had lost trust in people. We are to always of course be discerning but I had become "stand off-ish" and reserved. I withdrew. I remember once being called a "recluse" by a team leader at my old job. We laughed about it but in my head and heart..I still went "hmmm...."  That was over 10 years ago. He said I did my work well and all was fine but I just stayed to myself and by myself all the time.  I had sometimes wondered through the years why it seemed like the Lord wasn't "using me" like He was back in the past and the answer was finally unfolding itself right in front of my eyes.  It wasn't that I didn't love people anymore,  I had put walls up.  I still would do anything for anyone within my circle or whatever was needed...but  that was it. I never let anyone get close...only really family and a few others cause I felt like they were "safe". I was good with everyone else from a distance. I am polite, positive, I won't hurt you....but you won't gonna hurt me either!  I wasn't trying to meet new people or grow relationships. I had built a wall of comfort around myself where I was just happy being in my own little world alone.  No one can hurt me there. As these things began to unfold, I was floored.  I realized that I had "limited" God. For so many years I walked around in my self made comfort zone and refused to be "open" or "available" to Him for fear of being hurt. I was functioning "broken".  Does this sound familiar to anyone? I'm sure not everyone will relate. It is well. If this ministers to a few and causes them to get before the Lord to get rid of an issue, then my transparency was worth it.
     As I began to repent and call out to the Lord I realized that I didn't want the walls anymore. It's lonely and no fun.  He wants us to have life and have it more ABUNDANTLY. My cocoon was killing me. It was time for the butterfly to emerge! I have always been an introvert but I LOVE to laugh, joke and have fun. I LOVE to encourage. I love to "bubble over".  (my family will tell you) I really began to realize how much I MISSED "bubbling over!"  HE LOVES ME and if I were ever going to be all that He called me to be, I had to let all that stuff go and be willing to "get back out there" again  and do the work of the Lord! I asked Him to knock down every wall. I mean, how many lives could He have used me to touch? How many divine connections had I missed? I was "existing" but not "living" because the main thing that made me happy and filled me with joy, I allowed and even assisted the enemy in stifling it.
     How many of us have had our dreams dashed or gifts stifled because of LIFE? They are still there! It's restoration time! We have to learn to let go and trust God with all our shortcomings and our pain. We have to spend time with Him on a regular so we will have the strength to keep the "little foxes" away. He will sharpen our discernment in regards to people and their TRUE motives. He'll lead us in what to do. HE'S A SAFE PLACE. We literally have to close our eyes, let go and jump into His arms. SEE yourself doing it. The enemy would LOVE to have you build walls around yourself and hold on to certain pain/habits in your life so God's plan through your life won't be realized. Don't let Him win. Your BIGGEST area of pain is where God wants to use you the most and where you WILL obtain your greatest VICTORY.  I pray that you will allow the sweet Holy Spirit to come in and walk you right through your pain and OUT OF IT. Let Him put the mirror on you. It's worth opening yourself up to God to be free. Someone in your same situation is waiting on your testimony! Let's get back out there together and make an impact for the Kingdom! I can honestly tell you that that is a journey...we are all works in progress. I don't care who you see that you think might have it all together...they don't. It's your transparency before God and as He uses you to be transparent before others that will deliver many! LET'S GO! WE HAVE WORK TO DO!