Real Talk....Love Walk

     Another transparent moment...I don't mind (too terribly) because there is not enough transparency these days. Everyone wants to look like they got it all together. Keep throwing you scripture after scripture. Paint you a picture of "perfect" that is far from it. As I sometimes tell my daughters..." Girl, BYE". (SMILE)  I look at all of us as a huge puzzle and we are each a piece. We need each other to make a whole. Let's get real and reach back and help someone that might have the same issue...Anyway...
     Not too long ago, someone said to me "God said you have a lot of love inside of you...why is it not coming out?" I looked at him and said "Huh? What?" LOL. I didn't get it but it nagged me and opened up a can of worms.  I mean, I began to do a checklist: Am I treating someone wrongly? Am I holding a grudge? Am I walking in unforgiveness? I know we all have issues but that question perplexed me. It challenged me so I did exactly what the Lord wanted me to do. I began to seek Him. A few days later as I sat pondering on it again, it was almost like a "video" that flashed through my mind. I saw myself when I first gave my life to Christ and years after. The JOY I walked in..even when the "zeal" was over, how happy I still was! I was so full of Love that I could hug someone to death and love them right back to life again! LOL! I saw how the Lord would use me to touch lives. I am naturally an introvert so we would go back and forth when I felt led to do something or say something but..in the end.. I did what He was leading me to do cause I wanted to please Him. I remember even being an usher in the church I attended at the time and for the longest, I absolutely LOVED IT. I loved to greet people, smile, hug, laugh, help with babies, show them their seats with a smile. I was SUPER USHER and did it all in the Love of the Lord. In the beginning, it was not just a "job" to me. I sat there in total recall...smiling.
      Then, the "video" began to change. I saw church hurt, rejection on top of rejection, lies and even up until recently, betrayed confidences.  I was like WHOA. It was heavy ya'll. I have not told you all that I saw but I realized that with that one comment from someone that drove me to specifics with God, I literally opened up a can of worms that I had to DEAL with. (What is it that you need to deal with in your life? Someone you hate? unforgiveness? Selfishness? Pride? A bad habit? UNBELIEF? DOUBT? ) As I sat there, I did realize that it was a set up. The Lord has been bringing me to this point for a while now and it was time to come to the carpet.  If we want to be whole and move on and up, we have to deal with that in which He brings to our attention. See, God has delivered me from the pain and I have forgiven for those things that happened back in my past...BUT, I HAD CHANGED. There was left over residue. I saw myself now compared to back then. (Yes. we all change & grow and don't stay the same. Not talking about that..stay with me.)  As a result of all that I had gone through I had lost trust in people. We are to always of course be discerning but I had become "stand off-ish" and reserved. I withdrew. I remember once being called a "recluse" by a team leader at my old job. We laughed about it but in my head and heart..I still went "hmmm...."  That was over 10 years ago. He said I did my work well and all was fine but I just stayed to myself and by myself all the time.  I had sometimes wondered through the years why it seemed like the Lord wasn't "using me" like He was back in the past and the answer was finally unfolding itself right in front of my eyes.  It wasn't that I didn't love people anymore,  I had put walls up.  I still would do anything for anyone within my circle or whatever was needed...but  that was it. I never let anyone get close...only really family and a few others cause I felt like they were "safe". I was good with everyone else from a distance. I am polite, positive, I won't hurt you....but you won't gonna hurt me either!  I wasn't trying to meet new people or grow relationships. I had built a wall of comfort around myself where I was just happy being in my own little world alone.  No one can hurt me there. As these things began to unfold, I was floored.  I realized that I had "limited" God. For so many years I walked around in my self made comfort zone and refused to be "open" or "available" to Him for fear of being hurt. I was functioning "broken".  Does this sound familiar to anyone? I'm sure not everyone will relate. It is well. If this ministers to a few and causes them to get before the Lord to get rid of an issue, then my transparency was worth it.
     As I began to repent and call out to the Lord I realized that I didn't want the walls anymore. It's lonely and no fun.  He wants us to have life and have it more ABUNDANTLY. My cocoon was killing me. It was time for the butterfly to emerge! I have always been an introvert but I LOVE to laugh, joke and have fun. I LOVE to encourage. I love to "bubble over".  (my family will tell you) I really began to realize how much I MISSED "bubbling over!"  HE LOVES ME and if I were ever going to be all that He called me to be, I had to let all that stuff go and be willing to "get back out there" again  and do the work of the Lord! I asked Him to knock down every wall. I mean, how many lives could He have used me to touch? How many divine connections had I missed? I was "existing" but not "living" because the main thing that made me happy and filled me with joy, I allowed and even assisted the enemy in stifling it.
     How many of us have had our dreams dashed or gifts stifled because of LIFE? They are still there! It's restoration time! We have to learn to let go and trust God with all our shortcomings and our pain. We have to spend time with Him on a regular so we will have the strength to keep the "little foxes" away. He will sharpen our discernment in regards to people and their TRUE motives. He'll lead us in what to do. HE'S A SAFE PLACE. We literally have to close our eyes, let go and jump into His arms. SEE yourself doing it. The enemy would LOVE to have you build walls around yourself and hold on to certain pain/habits in your life so God's plan through your life won't be realized. Don't let Him win. Your BIGGEST area of pain is where God wants to use you the most and where you WILL obtain your greatest VICTORY.  I pray that you will allow the sweet Holy Spirit to come in and walk you right through your pain and OUT OF IT. Let Him put the mirror on you. It's worth opening yourself up to God to be free. Someone in your same situation is waiting on your testimony! Let's get back out there together and make an impact for the Kingdom! I can honestly tell you that that is a journey...we are all works in progress. I don't care who you see that you think might have it all together...they don't. It's your transparency before God and as He uses you to be transparent before others that will deliver many! LET'S GO! WE HAVE WORK TO DO!

A Treasure Found...

     First of all...let me say..my blog is getting a make over. It's in the works so hopefully it will be done soon....

    I just wanted to share how sweet the Lord is.  Back in March, I attended an awesome Glory meeting. My sister and I walked in and we noticed that we were the only 2 African American people in the whole church! At first, of course, we felt a little bit uncomfortable but it only took SECONDS for us to be embraced and shown to a seat where we began to worship and praise the Lord along with everyone else. We were one big happy family! That service is one that I will carry the memory of for the rest of my life. Not only because of the Glory that was present in that place but because it gave a new and deeper meaning to God not looking at our outer appearance, but at our hearts. He doesn't care about color...He made us all for His Glory!  One TRUE TEST of whether or not you are walking in prejudice is if you can go into a church and fellowship with others no matter what their race. If we are TRULY walking in the Spirit of the Lord, race should not matter at all. He loves us all. Just because He made us to look different does not mean He treats us differently so, why do we do it? If you can't deal with it now...what Heaven are you going to?  My goodness...I wasn't going to type that at all...I'm supposed to be typing about "A Treasure Found" and my fingers just started typing something else...Oh well.. To God Be the Glory. This was meant for someone to read....
     Getting back on task...there was a sweet older woman there. As soon as I got situated and started to praise, she walked up to me with a message from the Lord. (I blogged about this in March). At the end of the service she gave me her name, number...even her address(smile). she was so sweet. She invited us back to other meetings. It was one that was coming up at the end of March and my sister and I talked about trying to go on the way back to our room. Well, as soon as we got back to our hotel, I began to look for her number and I could NOT find it. We had driven over an hour away from the event to get to our hotel. (we were 6 hours from home).  I looked through my bible, purse, everything I had 2-3 times, even more. I was outdone. What in the world had I done with it?? We couldn't go back. Church had let out. I had no information on this lady. I prayed and asked God to show me. I never found her number.
     This past Saturday, I pulled my bible out as I have done hundreds of times before and there was her number. That same paper that I couldn't find. Huh? Immediately I knew, I HAD to call this lady.  I don't know why but, it was just too much. I KNEW I had looked EVERYWHERE for her number. At first, I was nervous. She doesn't know me! She probably didn't even remember me. Would she think I was crazy? I prayed, worked myself up into a tizzy and finally just made the call......and I had the best conversation that I had in a while. And yes, she remembered me.  I smile as I type. It was meant  for me to talk to her today because she began to confirm a few things I had been questioning. She also gave me some desperately needed guidance in an area that I needed at THIS particular time in my life. Bless her precious heart, she even gave me a homework assignment! (smile)  I also know that my calling was a blessing and encouragement to her. I hung up the phone with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face and I immediately began to execute what she told me to do. See, God hears us when we pray and sometimes, we do get silence from Him but.....it's for a REASON. We just need to trust Him. HE knows what He is doing and He has His perfect timing in everything.

An Old Journal

     I was flipping through some old papers today and came across an old tablet that I had written a few journals in. I am going to copy one of them below that was written on 8/2/11. As I read it, all I could say was "wow". I just want to share this journal entry with you. It reads like a prayer. This was not even 2 months after I lost my daddy. It was a hard time trying to make sense of everything. The hows and the whys but also knowing that God was and is in control. The Lord was indeed an ever present help in the time of trouble and He was there through our entire ordeal up until my father transitioned to be with Him in Heaven. Those weeks leading up to and after was so HARD...BUT....if ANYONE knew the Lord, they could see HIM EVERYWHERE. It made me sit and meditate on spiritual and natural things...the seen and unseen...the known and the unknown...and just how FRAGILE we are as humans and just FAITH.  Do we REALLY have it, especially when times are hard and we can't see in front of us? Anyway...here's the entry...

________________________________________________________________________

8-2-11

     It's not about power. It is not about arrogance. It's about being the best in you I can be. Reaching my full potential in your Glory. Doing all that I've been put on this earth to do and having all you say I can have, lacking nothing. 

     To walk in a state of belief in the supernatural-even more than the natural. To believe more in your spiritual truth than the natural facts. To live and think beyond the earth realm.

     To walk guided by you on an unknown path but knowing as I go forward a step will materialize under my feet. As I walk toward a wall, a door will open just in time for me to step through. As I walk in what feels like darkness a light will come on and I'll walk toward it. As I walk toward an ocean, you will part it before my feet. As I walk toward a cliff a helicopter will show up out of nowhere and take me to that next destination. WALKING BY FAITH. My steps being ordered by you even though I don't know where I'm going...you do. Although obstacles lay before me, I don't see them because my eyes are on you and my mind is on a spiritual plain that makes the natural with all it's obstacles seem easy. I float on. I walk on. My eyes on the prize. Straight ahead and focused on you. My head never down because I'm not defeated and not watching where my feet tread because you are guiding them. I keep my eyes on you. 

A Word of Advice......

Hello followers....this blog is going to be REAL SHORT b/c this is still unfolding...I just want to share a little wisdom with you. When God is telling you that your season is up with a thing in your life....LISTEN. If you don't, that place or area that once was a BLESSING then becomes a BURDEN!!! There is more to this story but I just wanted to wet your appetite. Stay tuned!  There is definitely more to come on this subject!

It's Not Too Late.....

     I am a firm believer that as long as we are breathing and alive on this earth, it's never too late to change. Some of us desire to make changes and even know deep down inside that changes need to be made in certain areas of our lives, but, we don't do it because we think it's too late, we're too old, the time has passed or just plain old FEAR.  I truly believe the truth in the saying "if you continue to do what you're doing, you'll always get the same results"...IT'S TIME FOR CHANGE and it starts with a decision. I am here to encourage you that it's not too late! It's never too late to make a change for the better. God gave us life but He also wants it to be an abundant life. He wants us to have peace and joy and if there is an area of your life that you know needs to change, let's go to God and pray about it. Make some decisions. Ask Him to give you the courage to be better. The last thing we want to do in this life is reach the end of it and focus more on regrets than on the good times!  Decide in your heart and mind today that you are going to make the necessary changes and email me your testimony!!

A Timely Word

     God is so awesome! I was thumbing through my CD case and I came across an old sermon that was preached at my church in October 2011. I didn't remember what It was about but it was entitled "Changing Seasons".  The topic itself held my attention. As I popped it in and started listening....all I could do is praise God and thank HIM for such a TIMELY word! It was if the words were personally directed to me. As I listened I began to remember exactly what I felt and thought at the time that the sermon was being preached. It was like I was watching a DVD of that sermon in my head. Isn't that awesome?  I could literally reflect on that Sunday vs where I am today and I could only sit in awe and give God praise. My goodness! My! How seasons have changed! I want to encourage you..... you might be going through something so difficult and hard for what seems to be a very long time and it SEEMS as if nothing is changing. BUT, rest assured...something is changing and its YOU. Seasons WILL change.  They not only change in the natural, they change in the spiritual as well. You'll be able to look back and see just how much you've grown. How much stronger you are. How much more peace and joy you have. You'll be able to reach back and help a brother and sister in the same way you were helped.  Remember my "Encouraging Words" page. You are being qualified!

A Question of Depth

     My youngest daughter can come up with some questions that blow your mind! She is very inquisitive and will keep you on your toes. We had a wonderful day today. We attended an awesome church service, ate breakfast and decided to walk the trails at the River. It was beautiful. There was an awesome breeze blowing and we just enjoyed walking and talking. At one point, we sat down on steps right at the waters edge and just enjoyed feeling the breeze and taking in all of God's beauty. I thanked Him for such a wonderful, beautiful day and I felt so at peace that it was hard to leave. I literally could' ve balled up on the bank and took a nap while listening to the water and feeling the breeze.
     Anyway, when we got home, we were so THIRSTY!! We got tall glasses of cold ice water and we were both on our 2nd glass when she asked me "Ma!Why does water have no taste but be so GOOD!!??" LOL. It tasted so good that we could not get seem to get enough but after our fill we were so relaxed and immensely satisfied!  I thought about it and I told her because it is REFRESHING. It quenches the thirst that we had. Completely. I began to think on the Spirit of God. I thought about how we do not see the Holy Spirit but, He's there always, He gives us times of refreshing that we could not live without. Water has no taste, no real natural color but is refreshing and we can't live without water and at times, we just feel like we cannot get enough!  I see why Jesus always related the Spirit to Water. As I sat out beside the river today in perfect peace, watching it flow, I felt that refreshing to my soul. I can go on and on....